My Outpouring

This is my outpouring. A figurative untying of my sack of ashes and pouring them out. No longer will I allow myself to be numb. I want to feel and whether I feel heartache and pain or love and elation it will be better than feeling nothing at all. My heart is so big but I've not allowed anyone in for months and months in fear of "feeling". Not feeling is safe and I've craved safety. To me safety is protection from.... from everything. All my efforts have gone into protecting myself and I've become so efficient at my version of protection. I've begun to pride myself on that fact. Protecting myself is not my job. That's Your department and I always get in Your way. It ends up wasting time and I don't want to waste anymore time. So, I am pouring it all out. My anxiety, my inadequacy, all my insecurities. They're Yours. I don't want them. I want love. I want holiness. I want righteousness and they are all found in You. Be my Center. Be my Protection. Give me a garmnet of praise. No more anger. No more hurt. No more defensiveness. Just You and only You.