Circling Mountains

"You have circled this mountain long enough. Now turn North" Deuteronomy 2:3 Wow.... Wow..... Wow. Wow. Wow Flipping Wow. To look at this first at a glance it can be easily dismissed as one of this Old Testament verses that does not provide much to our New Testament way of life. Unless you read that verse the day after you promise yourself that tomorrow is going to be about change. Yesterday as I shoved pumpkin loaf into my mouth I resolved that "tomorrow" I was going to start a new chapter. I was going to make changes and return to the healthy lifestyle that I used to follow. You see, in the past 10 months I have; turned 30, gotten married, became a stepmother of three children, was granted custody of my sister's child and gained 40 pounds. Let me clarify... I AM NOT HAVING A PITY PARTY. I love my husband, love my children and will provide a home for my niece for as long as she needs. During all of this however, while taking care of everyone else, I stopped taking care of myself. The busy life that comes along with taking care of a family of six while still trying to work took precedence over exercise. Eating healthy became inconvenient. And most importantly taking time for myself to recharge spiritually ceased leaving my tank on empty. And it's been empty for a while. So, back to my pumpkin loaf... as I sat there and talked myself into this "new chapter" I chuckled because it dawned on me that the next day was April Fool's. Ha ha ha how appropriate. So this morning as I woke up God reminded me of my cruel April Fool's Day prank I had pulled on myself. I got up and on with the day of getting children ready and out the door. As I sat in the Chick Fila drive-thru getting the children breakfast before school I passed on the chicken biscuit. I went into Starbucks got my coffee and splenda and the whole time I am ordering it I swear I heard the pumpkin loaf laughing at me. I stayed strong and reminded myself of this "new chapter". But how many times have I made this promise to myself. How many times have I tried and tried only to end up back where I am now. I have "circled this mountain" far too long. It's time to get over it and "turn north". Every other time in my life I have made these changes for myself. Now I have five other people who rely on me and watch my every move. I have three girls who are faced daily with the world's view of beautiful. Am I showing them what beauty real is? My resolve is not about being thin. It is about being healthy, about being a better version of myself. A version of myself that can pour spiritual insight into my children's lives. A version of myself that teaches my family that food is not a comfort or reward. A version of me that says no matter how much I weigh if I am taking care of myself from the inside out I am beautiful to the I AM. God is making changes in my family quicker than I can keep up with. He is not slowing down so I guess I better pick up the pace. The only way I am going to keep up is to "turn north".